Larry Kahaner

Archive for the tag “novel writing”

My Newest Book: “Did the Frail Have a Heater?”

It’s mysterious, quirky, detectory, funny, and you’ll learn a bunch of phrases you never new existed.  

Here’s a free sample. (Give it a second to two to cycle through to the sample. Weird, I know.)

No need for me to read anymore. I’m going to Amazon.

“It’s like Raymond Chandler had lunch with TV satirist John Oliver, and author Terry Pratchett, and they discuss drug trafficking, money laundering, worldwide income disparity and getting hit on the head.”



Sam Marlowe isn’t a happy dick. His noir-obsessed parents combined the names of two literary private eyes – Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe – hoping he’d become a snooper. He did. But they didn’t count on their son getting a bullet to the noggin that injured his brain. Now, he talks in that 1930’s hyperbolic style where guns are gats and women are dames.
It’s funny to us, but not to Sam. He dislikes the way he talks. It scares away dates and confuses clients. Even though he doesn’t think or act like an old-time PI, Sam battles every day not to sound like Humphrey Bogart in The Maltese Falcon.

Despite his quirky and off-putting patter Sam is still a well-respected PI, which attracts Helen Boston to his office. “I caught a whiff of Xanax and chardonnay,” Sam notes, as she tells a bizarre story. He agrees to take her case along with two others at the same time. Why? “Fictional PIs always have multiple cases that come together in the end,” he says, “just like story lines in a Seinfeld episode.” When Helen dies from a drug overdose Sam knows it was murder.

In the end, Sam finds Helen’s killer, solves the other two cases and exposes how drug cartels, Russian oligarchs, crooked politicians and many of the world’s one-percenters hide their cash in a legal, global matrix that some have dubbed Moneystan. (That’s a true thing.)

The only thing the book doesn’t have is a subtitle which should be: “For 99 cents, you can’t go wrong.” FYI, my cut is 34 cents, so clearly, it’s not about the geetus. If it’s the kinda thing you might enjoy, give it a whirl.

Get it on Amazon.

“The 10 Things Every Writer Should…” Stop! Don’t Fall for These Ruinous Writing Tips.

It’s a Vicious Ploy. Listen to Me Instead. I’m Smarter and Incredibly Successful.

 By Larry Kahaner 

All the writing advice you’ve been told is wrong. Pay attention to me. I have written over 3,567 books (all of them bestsellers except for the Charles Manson Joke Book). I also have had over 748 plays produced on Broadway and one off-Broadway, (AK-47, the Musical) and don’t even ask me about my 17 daily, mega-monetized blogs including: How to Write Limericks in Ancient Aramaic Like a Boss. It has 100,567 subscribers not including today.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio


I’m like, I dunno, the 2 percent of writers who can actually make a living as a writer. And what about that so-called select coterie of scribes who offer you free writing guidance?


They’re purposely feeding you terrible advice so you won’t succeed, because they can’t handle the competition.


“The 10 writers’ instructions for this” and the “12 writer must-dos for that”… it’s all a con. These errant listicles are designed to make you fail. Ask yourself this: If these folks are soooo successful why are they spending their money-making, writing time telling you how to write? Because they want you to flop. It helps them feel better about themselves. It’s that long German word that begins with a Sh sound which I can’t spell, but you know what I mean.
Okay, here we go with their stupid advice and what I suggest instead which, I swear, you can really, really, really, really trust:


1 – Write what you know: Nonsense. Like most people, you haven’t done anything worth writing about. Want proof that writing only about what you know is bad council? How many writers were astronauts yet still wrote super boring Sci-Fi space fiction?
Plenty.
Ditto for first-person serial killer novels including my buddy Phil who crushed random accountants in an olive oil press and his book sucked anyway.


2 – Keep a journal: How silly! If you can write a journal then you can write a real book. Stop wasting time on something nobody will see, you won’t get paid for, and forces you to relive teenage traumas like losing your locker combination.


3 – Write your first draft quickly and edit later: Crazy! Editing is just another way that so-called “successful” writers want you to second guess yourself so you get frustrated and take a minimum wage job instead of pushing them off the bestseller list. And don’t even talk to me about rewriting. It’s a sucker’s game.


4 – Push through writers’ block: Poppycock. You can’t; it’s impossible. Give up now before you have a coronary or pull out your hair in clumps. Is any book or article worth going bald? Famous writers all have lustrous and beautiful hair.


5- Read great writers: Are you kidding me? Let’s say you read Hemingway’s novels. Afterward, you might start writing short, to the point, descriptive, compelling, emotional, and pithy prose. Editors will whine: “Oh, his/her work is derivative of Hemingway. Let’s not publish it.” See what I mean?


6 – Stick to a writing schedule: Re-dunk-you-less! You can’t be tied down to a job like a regular person. You’re a writer, for god’s sake. Free your creativity. Don’t stifle it with a time clock. Those authors who say, “I write everyday between 6 am and 10 am, blah, blah, blah…” just want you to get up early, miss your much-needed rest so you fall asleep in front of your computer. You’re no competition to them if you’re nodding off.


In conclusion, listen to me and not to them. I’m too famous and not at all threatened by your writing career. I guarantee that big-time editors are eager to see your manuscript. They dream about publishing a book with your bio that says you’re “not afraid of breaking the traditional rules of writing.” Publishers love mavericks.


Good luck, not that you’ll need it.

Why the Pandemic Isn’t Panning out for Writers Like Me

By Larry Kahaner

Image for post
Edwin Hooper (Unsplash)

(This article first appeared in Pandemic Diaries.)

When my state of Maryland went into full lockdown in mid-March, I did not see the carnage ahead. All I thought was: “Okay, I have to stay inside for a while except for trips to the grocery store, and I will have plenty of time to work on my novel-in-progress.”

I saw my foreseeable life as if I were living the proverbial writers’ dream retreat. No distractions, no calls, no one wanting anything from me. All I had to do was take care of my basic needs, and those of my wife, and I would be free to be creative.

Three-plus months later, my dream hasn’t happened, and I know why. (Please set aside the looming spectre of deaths for just a minute — if you can.)

Contrary to popular belief, not all writers, painters, poets, sculptors, and artists are introverts. An introvert isn’t someone who sits at home by themselves and shuts others out. An introvert is a person who gets much, if not all, of their creative energy from inside their head. In a way, they are self-propelling. Moreover, an introvert has a limit on being with others especially at loud parties or large events. At some point, they must retreat to maintain their stability. Introverts aren’t anti-social; there’s just so much they can take of others.

An extrovert, on the other hand, is someone who gets their creative juices flowing by being with other people.

I am an extrovert.

I get my inspiration and ideas from sitting in a café, watching and eavesdropping on other people (not in a creepy way). I receive creative power and narrative imagination from yakking in my condo parking lot with my eccentric and sometimes annoying neighbors, chatting with retail clerks, and most of all, having lunch or cocktails with friends and family. After a few beers at a pub and loud chatter, I am not drained but energized.

It’s not that I abhor being alone with my own thoughts. Hell, I’ve been a writer for decades and riding solo is part of the gig, but I fill up my creative tank when I spend time with others.

The pandemic has erased that.

Sure, I am still writing my novel, but my output has been poor, not my usual progress. On the plus side, I had my first humor piece published. After all, humor comes from pain, and I am in a lot of it. See: ‘Quality,’ not ‘Quantity’ of Infections is How I Judge my Work, Says Kevin the Coronavirus .

There’s another factor at play. Perhaps the biggest one. Sorrow. I find myself surfing the web too much, watching TV news too much and worrying too much about what’s going on right now. I need to keep tabs on the horribleness, and it saps my energy.

Lest you think I’m being a whiny-baby, I count my blessings. I have food, shelter and I’ve been working from home for many years, so I have an income from non-fiction writing. Most of all, I have not gotten sick from the virus.

I dream that when this is over — and it will be — we will see a surge of all kinds of creative works worldwide: Street art, concerts, public sculptures, plays, and people like me sitting in bars getting energized and creative.

Take heart extroverts. Our time will return.

Larry Kahaner has been a serious journalist and writer for decades. Now, not so much — serious that is. Except for this article.

Stop Writing Crappy Fantasy Novels

Stop Writing Crappy Fantasy Novels

By Larry Kahaner

This is one of those blog posts that gets me in trouble.

I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just that some things bug me, and I can’t be quiet about it.dummies-161x200

Here it is: Stop writing crappy dystopian, sci-fi, and fantasy novels. I know I’m lumping them together, but they’re related as far as my beef is concerned. In fact, I’m just going to use the word fantasy from now on to encompasses these three genres.

Why do so many people write terrible fantasy novels? Because it’s easy.

Whoa. Writing a book is easy? No, never. Writing is hard. I know; I’ve written many books, fiction and non-fiction, and anyone who can finish a book gets an attaboy or attagirl from me.

What I’m talking about are writers who use the fantasy form to write awful books, because this form, more than any other (except maybe romance novels; I’ll get to you in a subsequent post) allows writers to be lazy and defraud their readers.

Here’s an example: One of your characters is trapped in a room and there’s no way out. Suddenly, they fish out a special piece of something from their pocket that transports them away. We had no clue about this magical item beforehand. It’s lazy writing. Its cheating. One of the hallmarks of strong authors is the ability to put their protagonist in a bind and get him or her out cleverly without resorting to trickery. Mystery writers are usually pretty good about it without pulling out a gun that just happened to be hidden in someone’s boot. But even some bestselling authors succumb to a savior parachuting in – a rescuer we’ve not seen before. In one mystery novel I read from a super successful author you were to wonder about the killer’s identity. As you should. Surprise. It was a long lost twin who came into the picture toward the book’s end. We had no idea this person existed and there were no clues to his even being alive. Cheater.

Fantasy author Patrick Rothfuss alludes to this problem when it comes to using magic. He writes: “If you want to write a fantasy story with Norse gods, sentient robots, and telepathic dinosaurs, you can do just that. Want to throw in a vampire and a lesbian unicorn while you’re at it? Go ahead. Nothing’s off limits. But the endless possibility of the genre is a trap. It’s easy to get distracted by the glittering props available to you and forget what you’re supposed to be doing: telling a good story. Don’t get me wrong, magic is cool. But a nervous mother singing to her child at night while something moves quietly through the dark outside her house? That’s a story. Handled properly, it’s more dramatic than any apocalypse or goblin army could ever be.”

Exactly. You can’t tell a strong story if you’re always relying on magic, bogus superpowers or outlandish ‘saves.’

How to prevent this from ruining your book is actually pretty easy. Don’t write yourself into a corner just because you want to make your work as dramatic, scary or provocative as possible. It’s okay not to know ahead of time how a character will get out of a jam, but do it in such as way that’s not ridiculous or unexpected.

Respect your readers, okay?

 

What if the US were run like a corporation and a madman was in charge? Check out my  latest thriller “USA, Inc.” now available in eBook and paperback. All my books have a money-back guarantee.

Writers: Don’t be a Victim of Beginner’s Luck

Writers: Don’t be a Victim of Beginner’s Luck

By Larry Kahaner

How many times have you read an author’s first book and it was terrific? The second, not so much, and the third, well…

alchemist-book-cover

Beginner’s luck is crucial to this story.

Were they blessed with beginner’s luck, the phenomenon that allows first-time fishers to catch the big one and novice archers to hit the bull’s-eye?

I’ve been thinking about beginner’s luck since re-reading The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. In this story, the shepherd Santiago enjoys beginner’s luck when he decides to travel to Africa. He sells his sheep quickly and easily (that’s the luck) to finance his trip and is on his way to fulfill his ‘personal legend.’ The rest of the road is rocky and he encounters many situations that test his mettle. He does indeed meet an Alchemist whose last words to Santiago are: “Every search begins with beginners luck and ends with the victor being severely tested.”

Questions come quickly when it comes to writers and beginner’s luck. Is that all they had in them – that one amazing book? Was it a publishing industry fad fluke? Did they take their talent for granted and not try harder? And, the classic, ‘success went to their head and they got lazy.’

I chalk it up to beginner’s luck which is not some magical belief but a real thing that can work to our advantage if we understand how it operates. Here’s how:

  • Beginners have nothing to lose. Writers artists and musicians do their most imaginative and inspired work when they don’t have an image to maintain, and when they don’t care about how it’s received by critics. They are free to create a work that is unique, using their own voice, and without preconceived notions holding them back.
  • Beginners don’t know the rules. They see the world in their own way and don’t feel the need to conform to standards of creativity pushed by others. I find this aspect common in writers who pen the most avant-garde first novels then are afraid of keeping up the pace and thus revert to less exciting prose because they’re afraid of reaching for new heights again. Failure is easy; success is hard.
  • Beginners rarely have expectations beyond finishing the work. This allows them to keep an eye on the final goal and not what others will think of it. This eliminates self-censorship, a serial killer of creative writing. Say, what was that annoying song? Come From the Heart (I had to look it up.):

You got to sing like you don’t need the money

Love like you’ll never get hurt

You got to dance like nobody’s watchin’

It’s gotta come from the heart

If you want it to work

Great lyrics, excellent advice, but it was irritating to hear lousy versions of it played at every wedding and bar mitzvah I have attended for the last twenty years. Here’s a good cover by Guy Clark.  His wife Susanna Clark composed the song.

Here’s the takeaway. Allow yourself to write every day with beginner’s luck and know that you can keep receiving its gifts if you pay attention to its pitfalls.

(If you’re curious, you can read more about beginner’s luck on Wikipedia. There’s some science behind it.)

 

What if the US were run like a corporation and a madman was in charge? Check out Larry Kahaner’s latest thriller “USA, Inc.” now available in eBook and paperback. All my books have a money back guarantee.

Why Writers Should Watch “The Fear of 13”

Why Writers Should Watch “The Fear of 13”

By Larry Kahaner

If you agree that all prose – fiction or non-fiction – comes down to compelling storytelling, then the documentary The Fear of 13 is a must-watch. All writers can learn from it.

yarris shot.png

Click the image to watch the trailer

 

The movie concerns Nick Yarris, a convicted murderer who has spent 23 years on death row. Except for some flashbacks, the movie focuses on Yarris talking into the camera. Dressed in prison garb, seated in a dark cell, Yarris weaves a can’t-look-away tale of his incarceration, escape from prison (he was on the lam for about a month), then brought back to prison where he was beaten and abused by guards. He tells stories about his childhood, his drug addiction, the lives and loves of gay prisoners, how he met and married a woman who visited him behind bars, and how the new science of DNA would set him free – or would it? Did he really want it? At one point, fed up with prison he petitioned the court to comply with a convicted prisoner’s right to have his execution carried out. He wanted to die even though he professed his innocence.

This push-pull is the brilliance of director Don Sington. We are kept off balance as we rethink what is before us: Is Yarris still in prison or is the background simply a dark empty room? Is Yarris wearing convict clothes or a prison-type shirt? Was Yarris already executed and this is the story of his life? As his unbelievable account unfolds, you never know – until the end – and I’m not going to tell you.

While the director brings his skills, so does the convicted killer. At one point, before being thrown in solitary, a prison guard points Yarris to an empty cell and says “take those books with you.” Yarris, who only went as far as the 8th grade, complies. Is this another cruel bit of torture? Will the guard grab the books back or is it another way to catch Yarris breaking a rule so the guard can beat him? You don’t know until Yarris explains that this tiny act of kindness started him reading books for the first time. He consulted dictionaries to learn all the words he didn’t know. And there were plenty. Indeed, that’s where the title comes from. Yarris is proud to have learned the complicated word ‘triskaidekaphobia,’ the fear of the number 13.

As a prisoner, he had plenty of time to read. He says that he devoured over a thousand books, mostly popular novels, and this is clearly were he gets his storytelling prowess. He obviously learned what all writers know. If you want to tell stories, you must read, and read, and read.

His ability to grab the viewer and pull him in is outmatched by anyone I’ve read or seen in recent years. Again, the room is empty. It’s only Yarris. It’s only words, yet he never loosens his grip on you. You’re forced on the ride, and it’s a dark ride for sure.

His stories are so fantastic – and I mean that in the true sense of the word: “fantasy-like” – that the director was forced to disclaim at the beginning that Yarris’ stories have been verified. Whether he did or not really doesn’t even matter.

I defy anyone – writer or not – to watch Yarris and not appreciate his immense power of storytelling.

(P.S. – The movie came out in 2015. It’s available on Netflix and elsewhere.)

A New Era of Pulp Fiction?

A New Era of Pulp Fiction?

By Larry Kahaner

I have been waiting for an announcement like James Patterson’s “Book Shots” to cement my ongoing belief that the modern age of pulp fiction is upon us.book shots cover

Patterson’s new book machine is producing novels “under 150 pages for under $5.” It promises: “Life moves fast – books should too… Impossible to put down. Read on any device.” The website also touts: “All Thriller. No Filler.”

Swell, baby.

The reason for this foray into modern pulp with their short-page count and compelling covers is obvious. Our attention spans are shorter, and we all carry our phones and devices around with us. But the idea is cleverer than that. These books are first focusing on thrillers and romances therefore adhering to the top two reasons why people read novels: entertainment and escape. These genres offer both – in spades, sweetheart.

spicy detective - Copy           As many of you know, I’m a fan of pulp novels. I relish the fast pace, the vivid language and colorful characters. These pulps (named for the cheap paper they were printed on) spawned a stable of fast-writing authors who were paid miserly and, in order to make a living, churned out books by the cartful. In between books they wrote serials and short stories for magazines like Black Mask and Argosy. They moved back and forth with ease.

The books were short, cheap, (yes, I mean inexpensive) engaging, had tons of action, and their lurid covers promised titillation. Ditto for the pulp magazines.

From these pulpster ranks came great writers like Raymond Chandler, Mickey Spillane, Dashiell Hammett, L. Sprague de Camp, John D. MacDonald and Robert Heinlein. They honed their skills by writing fast and hooking readers even faster.

What I see now mimics the age of pulps. Online magazines have taken the place of physical magazines along with lots of writers who are writing lots of books. I especially see this in the indie book explosion where many authors produce books by the score charging low prices and even giving away free copies to entice readers to their later works.

But here’s the killer difference. Most of the modern-day pulpsters are not working for  publishers who pay them a pittance. (I don’t know what Book Shots pays.) They’re taking a flyer on themselves, paying their own way into the self-publishing game and ginning up their own covers. They no longer need a jamoke with a printing press.USA Inc 25 May 2016 KINDLE

What happens next? Will we see world-class writers emerge from this burgeoning sea of modern pulp authors? Will publishing history repeat itself?

I certainly hope so. Between prolific indie authors and commercial powerhouses like Patterson’s Book Shots, everything is in place for a new generation of writers to pay their dues and take their place with the break-out pulpsters of the past.

Shameless plug: To read an excerpt from my Kindle Scout book “USA, Inc.” click here. If it is nominated, you get a free e-book and my appreciation.

Why an Establishment Author is Doing Amazon’s Kindle Scout – Part 2

Part 2: The Hidden Cleverness of Amazon

By Larry Kahaner

Amazon’s Kindle Scout program makes my head spin. It’s clever in ways that you don’t see. (Read “Part 1: The Weirdest Writing Thing I’ve Ever Done.“)

USA Inc 25 May 2016 KINDLE

Amazon has disrupted the traditional publishing business which consists of the following flow: the author who writes the book, to the agent who acts as a filter for publishers and the publisher who produces the book. The last link in the chain is the bookstore. In the olden days, the publisher would not only acquire, edit and print, but market, promote and sell the book. However, in the past few years, publishers have taken less of a role in marketing, promotion and publicity, leaving much of it to authors. (Except for top authors who still get this treatment even though their books don’t need it.) And publishers certainly do far less editing and working with authors’ writing than ever before.

At every step in this worn-out process, Amazon has inserted their monkey wrench. They took on bookstores by making physical browsing obsolete. You now can read the first few pages of any book on line without charge. You can even return an e-book if you don’t like it. For better or worse, bookstores are disappearing or morphing into coffeehouses.

Next, e-books. Although they didn’t invent e-books, they made it a real business. E-books cut publishers hold on physical printing. Unfortunately, e-books led to lot of crappy books, because Amazon and others made publishing  e-books just too easy. It’s a shame because a lot of really good books, from unknown and even known authors, are being drowned in a sea of publishing dreck. We need a filter, someone like an agent.

Behold: Kindle Scout.

When an author submits a book to Kindle Scout, the editors at Amazon (many of whom are highly-skilled editors laid off by the publishing industry during the recession) become the first filter, the job of agents. They don’t accept every book that comes their way which is a plus for potential readers because they don’t have to wade through a ton of poor books to find one they want to read.

But it gets better.

Readers, who are attracted to the cover and the teaser line, read the excerpt and vote if they would like to read more. Authors, of course, are compelled to not only produce a ‘selling cover’ but the promotional material, and then cajole readers to sample the excerpt. In essence, authors are doing the jobs that traditional publishers have given up on – which publishers now expect most authors to do anyway. As an incentive for doing this work, Amazon gives authors about half of the proceeds, a much larger chunk than traditional publishers.

But wait, there’s more.

If your book is not chosen to be published by Kindle Scout, many authors will then self-publish because they already have a great cover, followers who voted for their book and the confidence and marketing/promotion skills they learned during the campaign. Kindle Scout is like a training program for authors.

The best part is that readers have their pick of professionally-written, vetted books that are a cut above the slap-dashed self-published books that are flooding the market.
Bottom line for Amazon: They get to sell better-written books with compelling covers by authors who know the business side of writing.

Amazon is just so damn clever.

Shameless plug: To read an excerpt from my Kindle Scout book “USA, Inc.” click here. If it is nominated, you get a free e-book and my appreciation.

 

Why an Establishment Author is Doing Amazon’s Kindle Scout

Part 1: The Weirdest Writing Thing I’ve Ever Done

By Larry Kahaner

 

In my entire writing career, this may be the weirdest thing I’ve done – and I once interviewed a convicted serial killer who asked me to write a book exonerating him while he boasted of his crimes.

I am participating in Amazon’s Kindle Scout program as an author.

But before I get to that, and for those of you who don’t know me, I am a

USA Inc 25 May 2016 KINDLE

traditionally published non-fiction author. This means that big publishers have published my books. I’ve been doing it for a long while, and I’ve been successful which to me means that my books are on shelves where people can see them (at least for a while), they sell on line and I’ve made a living for my family. See my books here. I also do other writing jobs like ghostwriting, magazine writing and whatever else comes my way.

My name isn’t a household word, except in my own home – and even that’s not always a lock.

I have seen the publishing business change drastically in the past few years. Like many legacy industries, they’ve been buffeted by technology most notably e-books and the internet. Even if you don’t follow the book biz you’ve seen the changes: Remember browsing in bookstores? Have a Kindle or read on your iPad? Okay, so you’ve seen it, but do you also know that Amazon sells 45 percent of books sold in the US? That’s an astonishing statistic.

(Aside: I’ve been a business reporter most of my life – still am – worked at Business Week and other places and one thing that I’ve noticed about the publishing business is that nobody ever walked into a bookstore and said: “I’d like the latest Random House book, please.” I’ll leave that to the branding experts to parse.)

Amid all of this chaos, Amazon has introduced a program called Kindle Scout which is a hybrid of traditional and reader-powered publishing. The way it works is that people go onto the site, read excerpts of books, and nominate the ones they like. After 30 days, Amazon decides which of the books to publish through their imprint, Kindle Press. If you nominate a book that is selected for publication, you get an early, free copy of the book and the author receives a contract and $1,500. The more nominations a book receives, the more likely it gets discovered by the Kindle Scout team, but Amazon still has the last word.

Although you may not fully understand or appreciate the logic, the book business doesn’t see me as a potential novelist, only a non-fiction author. In essence, I’m starting over. (For example, my agent doesn’t handle fiction although she suggested a few people.)

I worked on my novel for about 3 years and now, what to do? In fact, why did I even write a novel? I wasn’t used to working without an advance, so that was new to me, but I wanted to see if I could write fiction. Think of it as professional curiosity.

Should I try traditional publishers? First, I would have to get an agent, then he or she would try to sell it. Next, it would take months or longer for a publisher to… and blah, blah, blah. I’m writing a thriller not YA, fantasy or romance – these are the hot spots – so I’m already an outlier. Here’s another factoid: 50 percent of all sold books are romance novels. And one more, the large publishers make most of their money from their top half-dozen authors. Think Stephen King, J.K Rowling, James Patterson and Jackie Collins. Nothing against these folks, but that’s where publishers focus their resources, because it’s where they make their money.

When I sat back with my evening martini, the thought of going through the arduous and time-consuming process of dealing with traditional publishers made the gin taste like kerosene and the olives turn mushy. I wasn’t in the mood to self-publish so Kindle Scout here I come.

I’ve already made the first cut – they don’t accept every book – and in Part 2, I will explain some tricks and tips that I can offer from my short experience if you’re interested in going this publishing route.

For now, to see my book “USA, Inc.” go here.  If you think this is a shameless ploy to get your vote, you’re wrong. Read the excerpts and decide if this is something you’d like to read further. It’s not just a popularity contest, or an exercise in social media vote-getting, but tantamount to skimming the first few pages of a book and saying: “Hey, this looks promising” or “It’s not really for me.” I like that aspect. It’s got some integrity. It’s one reason why I chose Kindle Scout.

“Part 2: What You Should Know Before Doing Amazon’s Kindle Scout,” coming up in a few days.

 

 

Writing Prompts are Dumb and a Waste of Time

By Larry Kahaner

I must say it, no matter how much you’re going to hate me: Writing prompts are dumb.

I don’t know any working writers who use them.

zombie prompts

Yeah, this is a real book.

Why would you spend time and energy on something that you’re not going to use, something that’s supposed to “get your creative juices flowing” and then toss aside?

Why not just start working on your short story, book, blog or whatever you’re trying to churn out? That’s how you get your creative spark ignited.

I know, I know… many new writers feel naked without the cloak of writing prompts. They love ’em. Websites have lists and lists of ideas like: “Write about a day in which everything went wrong” or “what would happen if we found out that we actually could breathe on the moon?” You want to write about these things? Fine. Go ahead and write a story or novel based on one of these premises, but why waste time writing a few pages just to get your engines revved?

I can hear the cries now: “But I need something that I can throw out as I get my ‘writing mind’ in gear.” What are you, a car on a cold day that needs to be warmed up? (Actually, you haven’t had to do that with cars for about the last 20 years.) I will admit that sometimes what we write first thing in the day is not as good as what we write a few pages down the line. That’s to be expected. The brain gets in the groove like it does for all jobs (not just writing) that we undertake. When you’re done for the day, week, or even the whole book, pronounce your work a first draft and rewrite it. That’s what writing is, not some phony-balony prompt that someone gives us.

My guess is that writing prompts were the product of creative writing teachers who didn’t think students were smart or creative enough to come up with their own ideas. Bull. Students have lots of great ideas. Let them loose. For whatever reason, the concept of prompts has been passed along to where there are entire books devoted to writing prompts. Don’t believe me? Go on Amazon.com and type “writing prompt books.” I saw one that touted “1200 Creative Writing Prompts.” They’re even broken down into genres like horror, mystery and romance. I saw prompt books that were written by cats and dogs.

It’s crazy.

Know who else likes writing prompts? Bloggers who write about writing. When you’re searching for something to write about just do a blog about prompts. Throw out a few ideas, and bing-bang, you’ve got a blog.

If you’re a writer, why waste your time with these distractions? Yes, that’s what prompts are. Distractions from your real writing. It’s no different than procrastinating, not wanting to do the hard work of writing. Some people call it ‘writers’ block,’ a concept which I don’t believe exists. Here’s my blog on this fallacy.

In their heart-of-hearts, why do people love prompts? They’re safe; no one will read them (unless you’re in class) so you don’t have to endure criticism of your work. More important, you can make believe you’re working on your novel (Hey, I’m writing, ain’t  I?) and you won’t feel so bad about not sitting your butt in the chair and really doing the work that needs to be done.

Is all this a bit harsh? I’m not sorry. Not a bit.

If you want to be a writer, stop being such a wuss. Forget prompts.

Just write.

What if the US were run like a corporation and a madman was in charge? Check out my  latest thriller “USA, Inc.” now available in eBook and paperback. All my books have a money-back guarantee. Enjoy the trailer. 

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