Larry Kahaner

They Call Me the Great Monetizer and my Life is Worth Living – Literally

By Larry Kahaner

They call me “The Great Monetizer” because I make money from everything in my life and I’m not ashamed to tell you about it. I’m even monetizing this paragraph, this sentence, and the word ‘word.’ See, I’m already cashing in as you clicked and agreed to pay a millionth of a Bitcoin to read the word ‘word.’ Check your digi-wallet. It’s already been deducted.

“It’s so easy.” – Larry Kahaner

Yesterday, I cooked a fried egg for breakfast. Do you know how to do that? Maybe, but do you really? Avoid a life-crippling mistake and embarrassment by checking out my YouTube on the proper way to cook poultry ova. (Pro tip: To attract more viewers use complex phrases like ‘poultry ova’ instead of eggs.) I uploaded one on making toast, too. It’s not as simple as it seems! Wham, another few cents in my pocket.

And that jerk who cut me off on the highway and honked his horn like there’s no tomorrow? Jokes on them. I recorded their angry beeping on my smartphone. Have you heard my car horn mashup with Cardi B’s “Wap.” You should. It’s fantastic and more Spotify dinero for Moi.

All of this monetizing is making me irregular, so I’m going through a Lettuce-leaved basil, Korean mint and cold-pressed dillweed juice cleanse for two weeks. Follow my progress on TikTok, check out my cleanse kit on Amazon and most of all be on the lookout for my “Cleanse Sense” franchise coming to a mall near you. Already have a cleanse regimen? I doubt it really works if it’s not based on my personal experience. Interested in getting a piece of the action? Attend my FREE franchisee’s seminar on Zoom.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. I’m a money-grubbing millennial jerk who only wants to make money from everything that happens in my life. Hell’s bells! You’re right! I live my life so mindfullnessly so why shouldn’t I share my extraordinary everyday existence with the world. I am giving back and it feels great.

But I have my quiet times, too, so I can realign my chakras. My European Wolfhound Risk&Return and I go for long contemplative walks so I can think about all the good that I’m doing for the world. Yesterday, as I watched him poop, I realized that there’s money in dog waste as long as I change the name to something like artisan canine output. Perhaps I can dry it in the sun (no capital outlay for that) and turn it into children’s toys or pottery. Natural products are in now, and I’m recycling. I love doing my part for the environment.

You know that old expression, “Do what you love and the money will come.” It’s damn true. I love my life and I’m making money from it – and so can you. Text me and I will send you my free guide to living the life of freedom that you’ve always dreamt about. Speaking of which… I’m  an avid, active dreamer and I get my best ideas from my nocturnal reveries. You can too. Send for my no-obligation guide “Turning your Dreams into Money.” I promise not to share your information with anyone else except my own affiliated companies.

Remember my motto: “If you don’t monetize your life, someone else will.” (T-shirts and mugs are available.)